ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
