sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
