You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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