I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
