3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
false alarm, still single
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
