There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
