she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
