dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
