that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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