those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have fence marks all over my body
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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