I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
try to milk me bitch
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