My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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