I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
