the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
