I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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