Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
