It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
