your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
