You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
