Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have fence marks all over my body
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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