toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
