I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
