tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
