you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
