that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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