You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
