Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
