no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
