I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
