Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
