my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
