I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
