Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
