he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just want to make out with him forever
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
