i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
