I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
