Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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