Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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