I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Fuck appropriateness.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
