best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
