____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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