yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
