She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
