she was so not down for the gang bang
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
