Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
