Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
