vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
