I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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