my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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