Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
