Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
