put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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