happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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