ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
