You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
