I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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